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* I sent this out to a few of you before hand but it's funny enough to post for everyone.

Nothing really cool or interesting to talk about today, caught about 10 seconds of the press conference last night. The Prez always looks uncomfortable at those things. Like he's mad and shit. But I guess I'd be too if nobody was digging what I had to say. I'd try to fight everyone from the reporters to the kitchen people. But that's just me.

Speaking of which, I came up with that idea while working for NSI a few years ago. We'd always be getting into "office politics" about what could be and should be done to fix the vast amount of problems in that place. So I came up with an easy way to solve the problem of stagnation and people just talking at each other instead of solving the problem. Office Boxing. Each division would have it's own stable of fighters in the three top weight classes and whoever won, would make the decisions. It would have worked to cause all the upper management folks were under 5'9 and punks. But it was just an idea.

I'll leave you all for the weekend with a hodge podge of instrumental tracks to groove with. Enjoy.

Boost Mobile (Instra.) - Kanye West
The Corner (Instra.) - Kanye West
T.O.N.Y (Instra.) - Capone N' Noreaga
instrumental 1 - MF Doom
instrumental 2 - MF Doom
instrumental 3 - MF Doom
Chillin' - Farooq
Jazzman - Farooq

- Brother B

The Mother Of All Con Jobs

Now, normally I save my unadulterated hate for Notre Dame until September when their prissy fan base starts crying cause their schedule is too tough (opens to Colin Cowherd show clip from ESPN), but enough is enough already. If you are like me and keep up with the happenings around the College Football World, you awoke yesterday to find a little article about the new proposed changes to the BCS system for determining a "national" champion. These kind of articles are nothing new. They have been making changes to the system since it was adopted. No big deal.

So I read this thing and to summarize the first 9/10th of it, the BCS powers that be are going to open door to all of the Division 1 conferences, not just the 6 (ACC, Big 10, Big 12, Big East, Pac-10, SEC) that are now allowed to participate. I'm cool with that. After the fiasco/embarrassment of letting Pitt play vs. Utah instead of Louisville or Boise State I'm all for an all inclusive format. Plus, with the recent addition of a 5th game for the national championship, things were finally looking good for the much maligned system.

AND THEN IT HAPPENED.

Buried at the very bottom of the article, was the following statement:

"Beginning in 2006, Notre Dame will earn an automatic BCS berth with a top eight ranking in the final standings, Weiberg said. Also, under a new arrangement, Notre Dame is now guaranteed BCS money every season -- even when they don't play in a game.

In the past, Notre Dame would receive upward of $14 million when they played in a BCS game, but nothing if they didn't."

Wait a minute, did I just read that correctly? Am I dreaming? Am I in some sort of mythical time in space where little men in green hats and pointy ballerina shoes rule the planet and we all have to by subjected to 5-6 seasons and call them successful? (I ask for forgiveness in advance of this profanity laced tirade you are about to read through.) What the fuck is going on? Those sorry mother fuckin' Irish have once again grabbed the CFB system by the testicles and squeezed until some jackass bama caved in. So let me get this shit straight, Notre Dame, who hasn't done shit since the 80's but still claims to be "America's team", is now guaranteed to make 14 million if it shows up in a BCS game, but is still guaranteed to get BCS money if it goes 0-11? Welcome to the BCS Welfare system for rich, used to be good in the 20's, ass-pounders.

So in theory, The Domers could go 9-3 and get invited to the Cotton Bowl, which pays 2.5 million per team invited, lose that game by 50 but still get a cut of the BCS money and in the end make more cake for being losers that the "crowned" national champion makes from going undefeated??? Anybody else see the wrong in this? I don't use this word, well ever, cause you normally hear it from whining lawyers and consumer groups who are trying to make the 6 o'clock news, but the fuckin travesty of justice is an OUTRAGE! I feel more strongly about this that the 2000 stealing of the election. It's that fuckin' serious folks. Call your congressmen, your mayors, your hitmen on payroll, cause some bastard ass fucker is going to get shot over this shit.

I'm done. For now.

In honor of this bafoonery, The Funk Presents some choice cuts to get yawl amped up, give a middle finger to the Domers and their fan base, then beat them to a bloody pulp. Fuck Yawl Bamas.

By The Time I Get To Arizona - Public Enemy
Flow Joe - Fat Joe Da Gangsta
Hip Hop (Bigger Than) - Dead Prez
On The Eve Of War - Jedi Mind Tricks feat Gza/Genius
Attitudes - Rumpletilskinz
Welcome To The Terrordome - Public Enemy
Triumph - WuTang Clan
Headbanger - EPMD
2nd Round Knockout - Can I Bus
Brothers Gonna Work It Out - Public Enemy
Ante Up - M.O.P.
Shame On A Ni@@a - WuTang Clan
Simon Says (remix) - Pharaoh Monch feat. A Rack Of Cats...

*some of these tracks have been posted before or you already have them in the catalog. The purpose of posting them today is to...well if you have to ask, you need medical attention.

I'm not a "ranter" by nature but shit like this really gets me mad. If there is one positive thing that may come out of this mess is that the disdain for its unfairness will slowly force the powers that be to implement a Division 1 Football playoff. It can't come soon enough.

- Brother B

Maw, Git Me Them Thar Feathers...

85 - Youngbloodz feat Big Boi
Seventeen - Insight
Shut 'em Down - Public Enemy


Some ass clown in a Miami paper is starting a small brush fire on the Florida State boards talking about how Xavier Lee wants to transfer. First off, there is no source or fact to the info but he can write whatever he wants to cause he's a columnist? I know a columnist sir and you are no Keith Boogs! Secondly, he's the back up to the proposed incumbent starter, who isn't as athletically gifted as he is and it's the friggin spring!!!! These decisions are not made until fall practice. This columnist has to be able to come up with other stuff to geek on besides shit he ain't go no idea about, he's in Miami for heaven's sake. I mean, Foxy and Jackie O got into it for crying out loud.

I had this discussion with Boogs the other day about how some sports reporters think it's their right to say whatever they want to regardless of its validity or not. Which to me is completely bogus. Free speech is one of those subjects that either people feel one way or the other on. I'm all for it but if you are employed to write about subjects, shouldn't you be held accountable if what you say is slanderous or just false? I say yes. Opinion is one thing, but if you go out like Bob Ryan did with Nomar (aka Mrs. Hamm) you deserve to be lambasted, tarred and subsequently feathered for just being an ass who would never say the same shit to these athlete's faces. The whole steroid issue is just another reason why I hate baseball. If a player sits out with a hamstring pull, ooops, it's steroids. And for the record, to blanket all performance enhancing drugs as a steroid is just lazy. Call them what they are, or can't these reporters pronounce/spell these things?

That being said, I took in the Nationals game vs. the Illadephia Illies the other day and despite it being October weather like at RFK (aka the crapiest looking stadium ever) it was pretty fun to go. The Metro ride was packed to the gills with folks which further cements my opinion that I'll never get a job downtown and ride the train. Keith brought Nate Boogs along for the ride and for the record, that kid is the most calm infant that I have ever been around. Just absorbing the surroundings and making all of the women in the train go from business to motherhood mode in less than 2 seconds. But he was rocking the Texas-Like Nike outfit which I am taking upon myself to replace...I just can't let the boy get corrupted by Mack Brown this early in life!

I'll catch yawl tomorrow.
B

*9:50 PM Update*
My homies over at Warchant.com got in touch with Xavier about the subject and did a quick update story. Out of respect for my man Gene I won't copy and paste the premium content over here (like some other jackasses do), but I will say that the tranfer issue is now dead. You hear that Miami Herald? D.E.A.D. I should call Jamar to have him go next door and heckle those bamas.

Speaking of Bamas, I heard this song from somebody at Dark City(?) records, which is some D.C. record label that was dissing Game and his bama ass for the supposed "non-straight" beat down he threw on an employee at WKYS in DC. The song is okay, the beat is alright, but the dissing of Game about 4 months after the fact is lame. Radio beef = Promo and marketing expense.

Serving Ice Cold Glasses Of...

*Tracks in the middle of the post*

Well, well. Back again for Tuesday the 26th of April. Is it me or has this month gone by hella quick? Maybe it's just me. The NBA playoffs are here and I've actually been watching some of the games. The Houston/Dallas series makes me want to watch basketball again. I'm not even going to try to decipher the games for you. If you want to see the bestest (that's right I said it) on that, hit up Joey at SB (check the links fool!).

I think the last time I watched a pro basketball game that wasn't the Wiz, was back during Jordan Part Duex, Bulls edition. That's sad to me, but I guess I was preoccupied in trying to learn how to attack a 4-3 Defense with the Flex Bone offense. It's bananas! The Nats (seriously, all of the teams in Washington have the corniest nicknames, i.e. Nats, Skins, Zards or Wiz, Caps) are back to where they should be, .500. I can hear tomorrow's John Thompson show where Smokin' Al Coken will be lobbing verbal grenades at the Nats cause they aren't living up to their "potential".

Let me discuss this for a minute. (RANT ALERT!!!!). We have not had a team in DC since, oh, 1834 or so right? Sho' Nuff. This is basically the Montreal Expos (a team that was owned and gutted by the other owners in MLB) with new unis, right? Sho' Nuff. And the baseball season is about as long as the first Ming dynasty, right? Sho' Nuff. And what do the local sports "heads" do? Slam them for not being a good enough team. Brilliant! What a way to welcome these guys to our fair city. I always felt that certain radio people in this area (and in other markets) exist only to piss people off with some of the most retardedest (new word alert!) nonsense to come out of someone's mouth since Rush Limbaugh vs. Black Quarterbacks. Seriously, can we bring back the practice of tarring and feathering violators of good decency? Thoughts?

For the music selections today, I'd like to do a little eclectic mix of some of the recent additions to the iTunes Massive. So I hope you enjoy.

Dirty Harry - Gorillaz feat. Booty Brown from Pharcyde
Untitled - Del, Pep Love, A-Plus
Shorty Swing My Way - KP & Envyi

If you are not familiar with The Gorillaz, here is a quick rundown of how they catch wreck. Their first album, Gorillaz, was both a critical and commercial success. Featuring the fly ass first single and video for Clint Eastwood (has a commercial before it), it was one of the best albums released that year. The concept, artwork, and music are all super mark duper dopeness in my humble musical opinion. Anyhow, they are coming out with their second LP, Demon Days, in early May.

I got my hands on a preview copy of the LP and let me tell you, it's as good, if not slightly more complete than the debut. Gone is Dan The Automater as the main producer and in comes DJ Dangermouse of "Grey Album" fame. He does a pretty good job of creating a different sound than Automater did, but it's still a solid effort. Guest shots from Booty Brown, De La Soul, MF Doom (this cat is everywhere these days), and others help cover the space and talent left by Del's absence. So when it comes out, you know what to do...COP THAT SHIT! Matter fact, cop the first one while you wait for the other to come out.

By this point in the life of The Funk, you probably realize that I'm a huge Hieroglyphics fan. That being said, I found this little unreleased ditty (speaking of, whatever happened to Paperboy?) the other day and felt it worthy enough to share with the masses. Right off the bat, you can tell that one, the sound is a little muffled (sounds good on headphones though), and Pep Lover rides this track like The Urban Myth rides Spurrier's jock. Del is up next and does his thing as well. Pleezy comes in third and his vocals are a tad low but you can still get the gist of it. Supposedly, according to the liner notes of Opio's last album, A-Plus is coming out with his solo album this year. That should be a pretty good album.

The last selection is pure 1997-98 Randolph Macon Theta Chi Attic Party madness. Nothing real special about this song. The group itself was made up of a MC Lyte lookalike/wannabe (remember when Lyte did that song with the Swedish Pop Singer Robin?) and a chick who was a dead ringer for this lady I was dating at the time...Yes, Boogs/Mo/any other BAN brother reading this...you know who I'm referring to. Check the ultra budget video here, along with a ton of other videos.

So there you have the Tuesday edition of Chez Funk. I might be going to watch the Nationals play ball tonight, weather permitting. So now, I am going to get working on this business plan and then take the rest of the day off. Deal with it fool!

Easy-
Bruh B.

* Bonus Ish...

1. The video for the Gorillaz first single, "Feel Good, Inc.", is hella dope. Check it out here.
2. Whoever left me a message on the comments the other day about the FSU videos, hit me up via email and I can send them to you.

Weekend Ramblings...

Boogs and I were peeping the Niffle Draft yesterday (more later) and on the other screen they were showing the TV commercials for the NBA playoffs and I had an idea. What if (and only by the Lord's good graces would this ever happen) they did a promo commercial for the playoffs featuring LeBron/Rip Hamilton and The Masked Wonder himself, MF Doom. Like Doom doing the real version of Let's Get It Started and shit. How cool would that be?

Sort of related, here is a cut from Special Herbs (Doom & Grimm)....
1000 Degrees - MF Doom & MF Grimm
___

Well, how do I say this without being tooooo blunt? Aw hell, The Denver Broncos and Mike Shanahan are going to go 0-16 this year for drafting that ass-monsieur Maurice Clarett. That's right, I said it. What is the blue blazes of bafoonery is going on here? He gets drafted before a rack of kids who are 1. Not criminals, 2. Didn't quit on their teammates, 3. Drag their university down with them, and 4. are not bamafied fat ass cry babies? The 4th sign of the Apocalypse folks, so keep track.

But what else can you expect from Shanahan, who is a Gaytor product.

Joey already spoke/wrote to this fact, but the talking heads who do the draft are worse than AJ on 106 & Park as far a watchability. Shall we run it down? We shall! (Draft Style!)h

1. Chris Berman: His jokes are as tired as Paris Hilton's...well, you know what. Get a new act or get out of the way Boomer. Late 2nd rounder. Durability issues.

2. Chris Mortensen: The king of "I knew this before hand but couldn't tell you" observations. Lack of knowledge about football masked by unclever insight into the "mind" of the pro football player. Late 3rd rounder at best, but prolly knows some dirt on someone in the organization which is why he still has a job. Character issues.

3. Mel Kiper: His Expertness. Truly only redeeming quality is his hair, cause that shit could stop a bomb from doin' damage. You have to wonder how many teams actually listen to what his "rankings" say. I say none. But you have to respect a man for basically creating a position for himself and keeping it for this long. Mid 2nd rounder for the hair, late 4th for his personality.

4. Merrill Hodge: Undrafted free agent. His hair piece is atrocious. And his "I'm a former player so I know more than you" approach is just gay. Bama.

5. Jaws (Jaworski, Ron): Easily excitable and upsetable. Former player who doesn't really let you know that (he assumes), but he'll be quick to put a "head" in their place with his Jedi telestrator moves. Late 2nd rounder.

6. Suzy Kolber/Andrea Kramer: Sort of eye candy with brains, but no matter how much they try, Kramer is not attractive. They both know football, but they ask the "How do you feel" type questions which diminishes their true value. Both late 3rd Rounders. Tahorgable Wonderlick scores.

7. The "On site" reporters: Free agents. No real insight value, even though Palentonio (sp?) wants you to think that he's bringing you information from "sources". Each of these folks is easily replaceable, much like Mike Golic & Mike Greenberg who are easily the worst radio hosts in the country.

So anyhow, I hate the coverage of the draft, but not the draft itself. I enjoy seeing where former Noles or local kids end up trying to get a job at. So it's cool to catch, every once in a while. So with that, I'm going to watch the Formula One Grand Prix from San Marino and enjoy some real racing, not that Nascar shit.

Peace
Brother B